The 2009 Unwin Memorial Lecture

Professors C Nemesis and P T Woodgnome
(Dept. of Antisocial Sciences, Draconis College)

Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention please? Thank you. Such a lot of you here! What a surprise… On behalf of myself and all the staff of Draconis College, welcome to the 2009 Unwin Memorial Lecture, which this year falls to the Department of Antisocial Sciences. I’m sure that as usual we will all be most interested in what they have to say and I am to advise you that a transcript of the lecture will be available from the departmental office by the end of the day. And may God have mercy on your… I mean, here are Professor Nemesis and Professor Woodgnome.

Deep joy to the Monster for tropicold wellspringing. Are you all sitting comftibold? Summerfew unknowingsus, I am Professor Nemesis, oh no? Oh yes – actually, I think one way familiarlode mostyfolk, and likelihood others soonitime. Oh yes.

Oh yes.

Deepest joy lechering today big bit. And here, Professor Woodgnome and demonstrable swivel-switchy, electricalomics, slidey, noisibole. Oh and Professor? Maybe Big Red Button, maybe not. But ideally not, not for sitting comftibold.

Now, like all real life experience stories thisiyear, ‘Pure and Applied Discipline in a Long Term Relationship’.

Settifold calmingly, oh yes. Sniggerfull gigglyoid really not. This is a serial tropical, and a Major Generally of course in ‘Human (and Other) Sexuality’. Stupids who tutorially see me already knowingford examilode asking questy-questy this tropical. Consciousness already listnering member of the specie but not faculty, oh no, but attending through respectiful attentives to late Professor, or generally not norty, oh no – oh no? interesting. But stupids with coarse optifolds needing maybe, maybe not more details of Professortell and serifully.

Oh yes.

Now in previful lexicons we have identified caseystories; Professor Woodgnome pacify brieflets on the couples to those not already knowledging and I’ll just explode back a bulklode in detailing.

Cased herstory number one, not history, oh no. Marriedly coupling, N and F. He is policeyman, very important, oh yes. She professionaling and running own busy. Both fortified and relations only a fewbifold. N has been married befive and F has snugglyhappy with other men but never more than one at a tome. Very much respectilode.

N is sock submitter; F is sock doormatter and neither is at all interested in swivellitime. No discipline in contour or punishy, oh no. They say that heatiful is just sock play, oh yes. F likes stingy N, N likes stingy from F as sayso-master-is-it play in places people can see for deep joy.

Now not deep joy sniggerlode stupifieds.

Listening studiments, maybe difficulties arousing qualitative data. Describing couplings, oh yes, but argufy from generous to specified or specified to generpuss, oh no. Sampling sizes not big enough to allow for stantastically liplickinfiance, and data – in name at least – narratively. I told my own stupids bethree about researcher bias and social desirability bias, but the restilodes of listen ins from other studyjects need to undercome that we are asking the voluntypes what they do and how they like and we’re writing and lefting the answerfuls. May be wrong making, or wrong telling, and we’re experilistening and judgmental in the credilode. We have no everdenses that we can mister.

Professor Woodgnome says that ‘data’ is not the pluralist of ‘anecdotage’ but the professor is no dote himself.

Our copulate: N, as sledding alreadifor, submoose. Heigh-ho intelligencer, choosy jobhappy keenly, very sucks eggs, oh yes. Telling researcher always wanting doormatting, and first why and some nicey bodes pretty girls both refour and hatter marriage very brainstorm, oh yes indeed, brainstorm and decidedly and very sucks eggs too. But not admittering doormattery until introided to F. Happy families before, mother and father and snitter and employmencing in reliable octupoidations. But daddy also policeyman and responsabilitous and often dutifully abstract; mother home time happy, working childerout.

But F had no presenting father, mother lonelibode, childhat short on goodlimen for influenza. She shoes job where few womeniworks, very diffibul, oh yes. Oh, hard lady for sacks of polity and poor understepping of the funnily.

Studibels considering Freud? Archuing N has chosen part-time like madder in stormy organics. But F differently looking for strong and relialode man because daddy no way relialode – gone weighing – so she looks after her shelf and him too, maybe, maybe not?

Looking at herringnotes on cultural norms, please, and remestering that N and F both axing contrary to Norns of gentler and oxidation.

Now, adding complementation of N using hurtfulsquee as fencing and strop believer. Two diffibole ways – nortysex for antistrop: working hardy, feeling hardy, feeling HARDY, F acting hardy, happy N, oh yes. But anstruther: getting F feeling veryhardyhardy, even if no afternort, ruling riling ritting to emptymind badbit worklode by hotbit concentrate. Extremely hotbit N by hardbit F, making notnorty subversive. N and F both stay not really norty, who can say? She likes N trusting trysting even when she making him swivel-hippy hottysore.

Sectioned coupling: homo sapiens (maybe? Maybe not) P1 and P2. Easier to stay P and Alpha. P is sportiman and actually ruggedly player, big man, blond prettyprettyhothot. Alpha bigman too, hold her, usedter ruggedly playing and now training and mutating, oh yes.

So P and Alpha have happihome and workilode and all confumed and mixtured. To not mixturate it is discipline. Now oldinotes again, last term, Behaviourism and Operant Conditioning. Is complicatey for studmarks from other foxholes, but basically meets that P’s future behoofing set by happenous of past. A specific actoring – askering not nicey by Alpha – is footled by an undesiring consement. That is, P is norty, Alpha is smackbotty.

Quietous, please.

Ferwhy? Because the consequelle makes P less liking to replete the behoving. Is classic stimulus-response about which I was tolling earlier in the trim. This is negative conditioning: Alphabets bops bots and P refishes to repute unacceptabubbles because associmation with pain. Need to remindingly that negative conditioning norsom negative reinforcement. Negative reinforcement acting reroofal of somethough that P sidlooks; positive reinforcement giving him treaty. So pushingment giving him nastihot, so is negative conditioning. Needing moray? Professor Pooky Verde has artifull December 2009 ‘So Why D’You Need to Know This Stuff Anyway?’ or could reaping not so sensible Professor Montgomery treatments ‘Yeah, What She Said’.

With thisome twosome, may also bonsider specific shaping, because Alpha selectively reinforces successively closer approximations to target behaviour usingly inclements varimouse severilode – that is, a smallish norty is a hottybotty, handyspanky; biggish baddie is whippy-stripey, howl and yowl.

And twosome heresome, Alpha is toppydoggy in ruggedly gaming but doesn’t ask, and P inoffertory, any toppydoggy homecoming, even for Alpha hurtyfeel. Still, sideylook little hotty, smartystingy for funnyplay, hotty ruggedlyplayer is hotty for Alpha. Alpha like F goes whoopdee controller of P is 2 and engines trusting trysting from P. P goes whoopdee because hottiness is hotty for P, Apha attendingly and hi! as endorphins availabubble, deep joy.

Observer also twofold twosome making foursome moresome with Alpha and P; H and T say gay, making norty to P, with P, like P, and Alpha toppydoggy maybe again. Seeing noted social learning theory: P nose H misbehoofing, watching Alpha hotting him so P keeps hoofs to himself.

Steady study ready reading and oh! Here is Insular Argument! Third casing study. Reading about, there it is, oh yes! And again. And again… and again and again and again, oh no… Insular pairings usually same six but maybe not; hetaira copules have toppy girl or toppy boy, maybe whichever. So steady study goes readingfully at learned helplessness and thunking about non-dominant individual, and also readingfully about attributional or explanatory style. Whozis? Zis pooples have orphan pessimistic explanatory style: seeing bad evinces allaboutme and always and everywhen and forafter, because clamming ‘it’s my fault, I can’t do anything right’. And oh yes, we see learned helplessness with the sickifool because chancing baldly where medisins, foodylode, all over.

And you chucking boats on Adorno’s authoritarian personality, too. Seeing everilode block and while, needing lift by strictly conjunctions and ordure. Calling the persil a Brat, who is needingly summybode to looking upter and summybode as well to looking downfer (Mr Barker, not repealing oldyfunny televicious. After lecher smackeryou, please). The Brat requooses that somebum tells him whatyfer doing, and he leaving that there is a snuggle ‘bite’ way to doing it, and that he hamster achoo it, and he is usually au secours and badly variancing. Quite usual that he ending uppily in tightsome structural – hence Insular – combunnity which is seeing as safeyplod where living with astoriants affording to Just World hypothesis.

The comminant herstonalities of Insular (and we may also staying Stanford, Zimbardo or Milgram) herstonalities, by concept, are flyquencing authoritarilode, summertime to extrudes. Can argument that they have interesses in masturbating the learning helpiless of their pooters, because they fancy shelving as morally and physically superior. We are knowing butter: we snowing they are as match edumples of Adorno’s authoritarian personality as their Brassicas. They are all safetymatch as long as they noo and ask adoringly their absinthe rule, which is higher being toldyoff or having perston to tellyoff general.

And towards elephant, there is appalling quantification of the behavioural characteristics, a gradelyscheme, demined to pustulate both the hackedoffity of the dominanty and the missivity of the submissive hearty by groviding the swishtem with order and hierarchy. Wanting more subjectify, reading spotular work Professor Montgomery ‘Aye, But It’s All Pish Anyway, Specially When They Say It’s Not About Sex’ and the substenance vellum by Professor Pooky Verde, ‘The Daft Buggers Have Forgotten That They Made It Up’.

Now, that’s a ruff from me; assuredly Professor Woodgnome will maybe, maybe not, be deepest joy at answerphone quellings that you have?


transcript for the Unwinese-impaired


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